While Type One is commonly known as “The Perfectionist”, it’s important to note that their main focus isn’t really about being perfect or being the best. “Being good” is much deeper than that, but it’s hard to find and sustain. In this post, I mention Ones repress their anger, and while most Ones do this to some extent, some Ones (the sx subtype in particular) are more comfortable feeling and expressing anger. Also, Ones often wish others knew that when they correct or advise, they genuinely want to help. They’re not trying to be mean.

One aspect of the Enneagram that I think is often overlooked is how buried a lot of our patterns are. We don’t have these patterns because we can’t see another way - we have them because we’ve needed them to make it through life. Twos are no different! So when we say, “have boundaries” - it’s not like they don’t know that! It’s more like they need to reimagine how one can find a deep, sustaining sense of being loved and worthy while ALSO having boundaries.

Also, if you’re a Two, you don’t have to give all the credit to your wings for the aspects of you that are career-driven. Twos can be very driven and ambitious, too!

Type Threes are sometimes referred to as “The Performer” or “The Achiever.” However, as a Three, I think the thing people overemphasize with this type is the image of success. And I think the image of success matters to Threes as long as we emphasize that it’s not limited to financial or career success: it’s whatever “success” means to that individual and their family of origin or culture.

A lot of Threes have really tough inner critics related to never doing enough and not being 100% efficient. I find that people assume Threes are more confident and self-assured than they typically are. Threes need encouragement, too!

Type Fours are known to be comfortable with feeling a wide range of emotions. However, it's important to note that they’re not perpetual balls of emotion. They can often put those aside to get things done! So, don’t underestimate Fours – they are very capable. Being driven by authenticity is powerful!

There are so many individual differences within Type Four that sometimes it can feel daunting to try to describe them all in one post (especially because Fours often know themselves so well, they’re able to describe themselves in detail). So, if you have a Four in your life, feel free to use this information as a starting block to engage in conversation with them. I find most often, within a safe & patient environment, they welcome the opportunity to explain how they see the world.

There’s so much more I could add to this post but I may have to save that for another time! Type Fives have so much more going on under the surface than they may express. So it’s important not to assume how they feel or what they’re thinking, especially if they may be coming off as “cold” or “uninterested”. For some Fives, this can be really frustrating, even hurtful, coming from those they truly care about. (More on this below!)

Sixes are really hard to capture in a post like this because different types of Sixes can be so incredibly different. I’ve done my best based on the Sixes I’ve worked with and everything I’ve learned and read about Sixes!

While Sixes are known to be natural troubleshooters, often their questions can be viewed as a product of being afraid or anxious. However, this may not always be the case. Their vigilant nature can really help to serve themselves and others in the most helpful ways. And it’s important that we don’t underestimate what Sixes can handle!

Just because Sevens can be enthusiastic and fun-loving, this doesn’t negate their intelligence or their ability to take matters seriously! Whether in their relationships or ambitions, Sevens can be very committed. So don’t underestimate them or think they can’t do something because they just might be up for the challenge to prove you wrong.

Also, because Sevens are often the ones to keep high spirits in most situations, it can be easy to forget that they too need encouragement at times. Even if it’s short and sweet, let the Sevens in your life know how they’re appreciated!

I find that type Eights are very often misunderstood, and they tend to recognize it. Their communication style alone can cause some Eights to feel like they have to dial themselves back for the sake of others’ feelings, which can be frustrating. So it helps to note that while they may not show it, Eights truly are compassionate towards others.

Not only do Eights fiercely protect themselves, but they also tend to fiercely protect others. They can have a knack for using their strength to empower and lift others up. I encourage you to look beyond what may initially seem intimidating.

There are so many things about Enneagram Nines that we sometimes forget to talk about….

Their strength, resilience, and independence are the first things that come to mind!

If you think of Enneagram Nines as perpetual softies who can be bossed around to do whatever you want 😬, let’s just say, that doesn’t line up with many Nines I know! This post adds nuance and depth to some of the things you might think about the Nines in your life.

In the last few months, I’ve noticed a trend in books that makes me want to throw them across the room.

See, many of my favorite books published in 2020 or 2021 feature some sort of reflection on the pandemic, and they specifically say something about ✨how beautiful it’s been to slow down✨ or ✨how the world’s consciousness has taken a deep breath and we’re all being righted anew.✨

Um. I don’t know about you, but that is NOT how I feel.

I feel more like my most scatterbrained friend dumped out her purse to find a bobby pin and didn’t quite get everything back in the bag.

I feel like we’ve gone to hell in a handbag — rustling around with loose sticks of gum and random receipts. And some days, the handbag is also on fire.

And yes, some of us have fared better than others, but I have no intention of painting a rosy picture of these last few years.

I find that sometimes the types that we wouldn’t characterize as “natural leaders” become fantastic leaders because they have to do a lot of personal development as they build their skills. The process of learning is often the most important. After all, I’d rather have a boss who has tried and failed and tried again than one who has always skated through life and has nothing of note to offer in the face of adversity.

I stand by the idea that ANY type can be an effective and impactful leader. So whether you are in an official leadership position now, or you’re aspiring to lead your peers, these strengths & skills can help you understand or improve your leadership style.

Maybe the most #enneagram3 thing about me is the stack of time management books on my bookshelf.

I love to read about time management, getting motivated, staying inspired, building habits, and getting things done. (You’ll see a few of my favorites later in the email, and I’m also inviting you to some virtual coworking sessions to support each other along the way!)

But the reason I love all of this is NOT that I’m naturally good at it - I’ve never been someone who can “Just do it!” Nope. I love reading about these topics because I am SO bad at time management. I find it hard and frustrating to feel motivated and focused unless I’m working on a new project, and most of my habits last about a week.

We all get on each others’ nerves every now and then.

When I say we “get on each others’ nerves,” what I mean is that we all do things that irritate others, and others do things that irritate us. I truly believe this is just a natural part of being a human in relationships with other humans.

We especially tend to get irritated when we see our own unwanted behavior in others OR when we experience others’ behavior as an accusation.

If we can bring curiosity to this rather than frustration, assumption, or judgment, we can make our lives (and communication!) a lot easier.

With that in mind, I also want to highlight that you might be irritated by MANY of the bullet points on these lists… or you might find them innocuous. Either way, I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do about them.

You’re used to me asking you to re-evaluate your expectations, take a good look at yourself, and identify ways to add more self-compassion and softness to your life.

And that’s valuable! But let’s be honest: sometimes we just need to get sh*t done. While it’s natural to view these two concepts as polar opposites, I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive. I do think it’s possible to be self-compassionate AND motivated (author Kristin Neff has a few more thoughts about this coexistence here).

As I’ve worked to be more self-compassionate in my own life, I’ve found that rest, rejuvenation, and re-evaluating what I really need to do are all helpful tools that help me stay a little more motivated.

A few months ago, I asked in my stories how you motivate yourself. Immediately, something in my mind said, “what if we don’t need more motivation, but more rest?” So then I asked: how do you know if what you REALLY need is rest?

There’s a difference! Sometimes, we just need a little motivational jumpstart, but often, I think we actually need to rest and recharge. In response to the question, every type said something along the lines of: I know I need rest when I don’t want to see loved ones, I can’t find motivation, I’m irritable, and I’m exhausted. I think that rather than being Enneagram-specific, these are all just aspects of being human.

When I asked my Instagram audience about stress responses, I was pretty sure I knew what I would hear. And to an extent, a lot of the responses were expected based on each Enneagram type, but a different theme also emerged from these responses: over/under-functioning.

If you have listened to or read much from Brené Brown, you’ll likely recognize this term. If not, Brown suggests that each of us has tendencies in response to stress or anxiety (we ALL experience anxiety to some extent!) that are either “over-functioning” or “under-functioning.”

Do you have an inner critic?

In the Enneagram world, we often dismiss the inner critic as a “type one thing,” but ANY type CAN have an inner critic. (And by the way, as someone who has historically had a searing inner critic, it shocks me to hear that not everyone DOES have this pervasive inner heckler!)

My inner critic can hang with the best of them…

The Passions are reactions to the wounding messages of our childhood. Somewhere in our stories, we internalized a message that it wasn’t safe for us to be who we really are, so we unconsciously put on a mask to help us survive and get our needs met. The passions are a type of emotional “vice”. And vices control us – we do not control them. The passion of our type is bigger than any other emotional state we have, is always present, and informs what we believe, feel and do. Doing the inner work of the enneagram is, in many ways, learning to step out of our stories and limiting beliefs, so that the passion can begin to loosen its grip on us, and we can start to live from our place of virtue (our true self) again.

Many of us are really good at putting others first, affirming others, being forgiving and gracious toward others, and making time for others, but we don’t offer ourselves the same attention. Some of us use all our energy out in the world and have nothing left for ourselves. Some of us avoid processing and validating our own emotions. Some of us have never considered an alternative.

In relationships, Twos value warmth and heartfelt connection. Twos give themselves freely in relationships, and they desire to cultivate a fun, passionate, and happy partnership. When less aware, they are unable to articulate their own feelings and may more readily feel their significant others’ feelings. They may get frustrated with giving so much without any reciprocity. Twos are helpful and generous, yet underneath their affection is a focus on cultivating genuine love.