Type Twos in Relationships

Mar 11

While there’s no such thing as a perfectly compatible type pairing based on your Enneagram type, the Enneagram can help you in your relationships. Knowing your Enneagram type can help you release assumptions, find more empathy, and work together to increase your strengths.

In this post, I’ve detailed the strengths and weaknesses of each type Two pairing, as well as short growth tips to help the pairings find connection and mutual care. If what is listed here next to your type pairing doesn’t fully resonate, that’s okay! Use this as a guide to get curious about your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship - more than anything, the Enneagram is a tool to help you develop self-awareness. It offers common language that you and your partner can use to describe yourselves more clearly.

If this topic interests you, you might also want to pick up my book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships.

Type Twos in Relationships

Generous | Affectionate | Benevolent | Warm | Earnest

In relationships, Twos value warmth and heartfelt connection. Twos give themselves freely in relationships, and they desire to cultivate a fun, passionate, and happy partnership. When less aware, they are unable to articulate their own feelings and may more readily feel their significant others’ feelings. They may get frustrated with giving so much without any reciprocity. Twos are helpful and generous, yet underneath their affection is a focus on cultivating genuine love.

Type Two & Type One

We are both doers who want to make the world a better place. We are able to see the needs of others and act on them quickly. The Two offers the One softness and grace, which the One struggles to offer themselves. The One is good at taking care of the practical things, so the Two doesn’t feel like they are the only one contributing. We value both people and tasks, and we are present-oriented, which eases our communication.

We have different approaches to emotion and conflict. While the One believes staying rational is the best way to move forward, the Two attempts to remain positive. The One’s task-oriented nature can feel unloving and sterile to the Two, who attempts to cultivate warmth and depth in every relationship. The One can be overwhelmed by the Two’s desire for deep connection and may attempt to find distance to avoid feeling consumed.

Grow by: Finding time to be intentional about the relationship without discussing other projects.

Type Two & Type Two

We are affectionate, kind-hearted, and compassionate. We love each other well because we intuitively know what the other needs. We are generous toward each other, and we are incredibly thoughtful in the way we take care of one another and those around us. We are considerate, conscientious, passionate, and emotional. We constantly affirm one another, which makes us both feel lovable, valued, and cared for.

We have a tendency to pour out too much of ourselves. Once we’ve used our energy on others, there is little left to care for ourselves. We both struggle to understand and acknowledge our own feelings, but we constantly pick up on the emotions of others. When we’re upset, we might not be able to articulate why or how to make it better. We struggle to admit our need for help, and we may grow prideful or resentful as our unspoken needs continue to go unmet.

Grow by: Learning to identify your own feelings. Let one another express emotion without jumping in to help or fix it.

Type Two & Type Three

We are charming, engaging, and passionate. The Two offers acceptance, affirmation, and warmth to the Three; this type of love reminds the Three that they do not have to perform to be valuable. The Three offers the Two energy, ambition, and liveliness, which help the Two feel inspired to follow their passions and achieve their dreams. We give each other lots of attention, and we value strong interpersonal connection, social engagement, positivity, and charm. Our confidence, attractiveness, and radiant energy make us a dynamic, impactful pair.

We have a hard time acknowledging and understanding our own feelings, which can be a challenge when attempting to relate to one another. The Three can be overwhelmed by the Two’s helpfulness and desire for emotional connection, while the Two can feel forgotten due to the Three’s ambition and task-orientation. We both tend to cultivate busy lives, making it challenging to find the true, deep connection we both desire.

Grow by: Learning how to ask good questions. Draw each other out with reflective conversation to help you both get in touch with your own feelings.

Type Two & Type Four

We are connected, intimate, and empathetic. The Two sees the Four’s needs and is able to pull them out of their heads just enough that the Four can be engaged and connected in the world. The Four seeks to understand the depth of the Two’s heart, which helps the Two become more in tune with their own feelings. The Two offers a friendly, sociable energy to the relationship, while the Four brings creativity, humor, and honesty. Together, we can enjoy a deep, emotionally fulfilling relationship.

We expect a lot from one another, but we aren’t always good at communicating our expectations. The Two might expect the Four to meet all their needs and may get demanding when the Four is either unaware or passive. The Four longs to be deeply known but may be frustrated by the Two’s helpfulness and desire to “fix” displays of emotion. Because the Four is so introspective, they may not realize the Two needs attention. Because the Two is so image-conscious, they may not realize that their charm is alienating the Four.

Grow by: Affirming one another and being attentive to each other’s emotional needs without being absorbed in them.

Type Two & Type Five

We are opposites in many ways, but this only intensifies our attraction to one another. The Two brings warmth, comfort, and ease to the relationship and helps the Five feel their feelings so that they can be more grounded in the present. The Five is committed and trustworthy, which is comforting for the Two who constantly feels they need to earn love. Fives remember the smallest details about their partner, which helps the Two feel considered and important. Together, we are full of wisdom, generosity, loyalty, nurturance, and competence. We find each other to be deeply mysterious, and we are on a lifelong journey to know more.

We are also opposite in our responses to stress and conflict. The Two is emotional and expressive, while the Five is calm and rational. This difference leaves the Two feeling like the Five is not engaged in the discussion while the Five feels overwhelmed by the Two. The Five’s detachment can cause the Two to feel abandoned and rejected. The Two’s desire to help can feel intrusive to the Five. We are alike in that we are both sensitive to feeling unwanted or misunderstood, so it’s important that we work through our differences.

Grow by: Realizing that your needs are not at odds with the needs of your partner.

Type Two & Type Six

We are steadfast and loyal to one another. We both value a deep, unwavering connection, and we will do what is necessary to serve one another. The Two’s empathetic and affectionate nature offers the Six the comfort of knowing their partner will always have their back. The Six’s desire for steadiness inspires them to build a good foundation for the relationship, which offers the Two a sense of feeling valued and prioritized. We are both responsible, attentive, and supportive. We make great partners because our connection is built on friendship.

Sixes tend to pull others close and then push them away. This ambivalence is often rooted in a subconscious need to test their partner. For the Two, being pushed away is their worst fear as they believe they’ve done everything in their power to make the Six love and trust them. The Six’s reactivity can sometimes cause the Two to feel cast aside. The Two’s desire to help can also cause problems since Sixes often work through concerns by verbalizing them. When the Two goes into “fix it” mode, the Six can feel misunderstood and bulldozed because they’re not feeling heard.

Grow by: Finding time to continue growing your friendship & connection. Verbalizing needs (and how you’d like those needs to be met) can be groundbreaking for this pair.

Type Two & Type Seven

We are energetic, fun-loving, and sociable, and we like to look on the bright side. The Seven brings an adventuresome spontaneity that inspires the Two to dream bigger and think outside the box. The Two brings generosity and a concern for the welfare of others that helps the Seven remember to slow down and pay attention to their loved ones. The Seven is looking to fulfill their own needs, so being with a Two reminds them they don’t always have to fend for themselves. The Two is not in tune with their own desires, so being with a Seven helps them prioritize themselves every now and then.

Our different perspectives on emotional connection can cause tension. The Two may feel that the Seven is not as present, especially when feelings come up. The Two may feel unseen and will respond by either demanding the Seven understand their needs OR by trying to help the Seven more in order to get the love they desire. In turn, the Seven can feel smothered by the Two’s emotionality and help, and may run, fearing that they will become trapped if they stay.

Grow by: Learning to talk through conflict rather than trying to stay positive. Reassure one another of your commitment before wading into difficult topics, then reward yourselves for having hard conversations.

Type Two & Type Eight

We are both caring and passionate people. We are drawn to each other because we each see something in the other that we need. The Eight is drawn to the Two’s gentleness both because they want to protect it and because they know they need it in their lives. The Two is drawn to the Eight’s power and tenacity out of admiration and necessity. The Two softens the Eight’s edges, and the Eight helps the Two set healthy boundaries and say no. We see something of ourselves in one another, and we are able to bring out the best in each other.

Differing concepts of independence can get us into trouble. The Eight enjoys autonomy and is guarded and self-reliant. The Eight can easily feel overwhelmed or smothered by the Two’s need for affirmation or constant affection. The Two is conscientious and considerate. The Eight’s independent streak feels unloving because the Two would rarely go off and do their own thing without considering their partner (unless there was something wrong). When unhealthy, we can both get demanding about our own needs.

Grow by: Embracing the safety and security you provide for one another.

Type Two & Type Nine

We are warm, loving, and serene. We have a comfortable and reciprocal relationship full of encouragement and acceptance. The Nine is accepting and not demanding, which allows the Two freedom to not be helpful. Twos tend to be invested in understanding others as a way to show love, and this curiosity can help the Nine be more in tune with and expressive of their desires. Nines tend to be accepting and loving, which helps the Two feel secure in the relationship because they can feel loved without having to work for it.

At times, the Two’s helpful energy can be too much for the Nine, who can be overwhelmed by the emotionality expected in the relationship. Twos are more action-oriented, so the Nine’s relaxed way of moving through life can cause frustration. We both want to look on the bright side in conflict, which can lead to intense conflict avoidance, as we both simmer below the surface. When upset, the Nine may become passive and distant while the Two becomes resentful and indignant.

Grow by: Learning to acknowledge and resolve conflict as it comes up. Remind each other that true peace is cultivated when conflict is addressed in a healthy way.