A Few Things to Know About Twos
If we’re not careful, the Enneagram archetypes can easily be treated as oversimplified stereotypes. Maybe you’ve already seen examples of this! This post is intended to give a little more clarity about Type Twos— to dig deeper, highlight some things that you may not know, and break down common assumptions.
One aspect of the Enneagram that I think is often overlooked is how buried a lot of our patterns are. We don’t have these patterns because we can’t see another way - we have them because we’ve needed them to make it through life. Twos are no different! So when we say, “have boundaries” - it’s not like they don’t know that! It’s more like they need to reimagine how one can find a deep, sustaining sense of being loved and worthy while ALSO having boundaries.
Also, if you’re a Two, you don’t have to give all the credit to your wings for the aspects of you that are career-driven. Twos can be very driven and ambitious, too!
So what else could we be missing when it comes to understanding Type Twos? Let’s dive into it!
Quick note: This may not resonate 100% with every Type Two, and that is okay! There are many individual differences within each Enneagram type. I want to emphasize that humans are complex, and it’s okay to not perfectly align with everything you read about your type. If you’d like to see what other Twos have to say about this post, you can find it on Instagram right here and join the conversation!
Alright, Let’s get into it!
Here are a few things to know about Enneagram Twos!
Common Underlying Motivation
To be loved, wanted, and needed
→ This motivation isn’t just about being helpful - it’s also about securing relationships, finding positive connections, and creating a positive environment where everyone is happy and taken care of. 2s seek warmth, affection, and love, so that’s what they offer to others. Many 2s experience a sneaking suspicion that if others don’t need them, they won’t want them, so they make themselves indispensable.
Consistently Avoiding
Being dismissed, discarded, or rejected
→ Deep down, 2s often believe that if others don’t love them back, they are unlovable. Dismissing their help often feels like rejection to 2s, so they do everything they can to avoid that. Even when 2s cognitively know that it’s not true, 2s often fall into believing that their worth is attached to how lovable and helpful others find them.
You might not know that…
→ Not all 2s WANT to be helpful in physical ways, like helping you move or bringing you coffee. Some 2s are helpful in this way, but a lot of 2s extend help through offering a positive connection, a supportive relationship, or a kind word. Building positive rapport is really important for 2s, even if they don’t feel the need to help everyone around them.
→ 2s often have a pattern of giving to get: part of them believes that if they’re there for others, when they need someone, others will know how to respond without them having to ask. This pattern is often subconscious, so 2s aren’t always aware of it. It’s also important to know that 2s aren’t ALWAYS giving to get! 2s genuinely care and want to be there for others. Many 2s love supporting and encouraging everyone around them because they want everyone to feel positive and happy.
→ BUT sometimes 2s feel like they have to play that role in others’ lives or they will be forgotten or dismissed. So 2s might continue in this role even when it’s not serving them anymore (or they might subconsciously turn off the part of themselves that would notice it’s not serving them and just continue doing it).
→ 2s have more than one mode of communication! Just as 2s can be warm and encouraging, 2s can also be straightforward, bold, and passionate.
→ At times, it can be hard to help 2s, even though they really want help! 2s can be averse to asking for help because they feel like they’re burdening others or they feel like they should be the ones helping. 2s are a lot more comfortable when the relational imbalance is that they give more than they receive. Most 2s who’ve started inner work are working on this. They are working on releasing the shame they might feel around holding their boundaries, and they’re looking for ways to show up for themselves as much as they show up for everyone else.
→ 2s can be quite emotional, but they don’t always show their true emotions. They may repress “negative” emotions to avoid burdening others, so they might need some reassurance to feel it’s okay to share.
And BTW…
→ 2s have a lot of skills and talents outside of their natural relational abilities! Next time a 2 asks you about your dreams, also ask about theirs. While they’re happy to support and celebrate you, they also long to be supported and celebrated in the same way!
