A Few Things to Know About Threes
If we’re not careful, the Enneagram archetypes can easily be treated as oversimplified stereotypes. Maybe you’ve already seen examples of this! This post is intended to give a little more clarity about Type Threes— to dig deeper, highlight some things that you may not know, and break down common assumptions.
Type Threes are sometimes referred to as “The Performer” or “The Achiever.” However, as a Three, I think the thing people overemphasize with this type is the image of success. And I think the image of success matters to Threes as long as we emphasize that it’s not limited to financial or career success: it’s whatever “success” means to that individual and their family of origin or culture.
A lot of Threes have really tough inner critics related to never doing enough and not being 100% efficient. I find that people assume Threes are more confident and self-assured than they typically are. Threes need encouragement, too!
So what else could we be missing when it comes to understanding Type Threes? Let’s dive into it!
Quick note: This may not resonate 100% with every Type Three, and that is okay! There are many individual differences within each Enneagram type. I want to emphasize that humans are complex, and it’s okay to not perfectly align with everything you read about your type. If you’d like to see what other Threes have to say about this post, you can find it on Instagram right here and join the conversation!
Alright, Let’s get into it!
Here are a few things to know about Enneagram Threes!
Common Underlying Motivation
To be valuable and worthy
→ While some 3s aim at big, bold, public success, many don’t! Deep down, 3s want to feel valuable. They want others to feel like they are worthy (because they often believe that if others believe they are worthy, they are). 3s learn early on that if they perform well at whatever they’re doing, they will be valuable. So 3s often end up chasing worth through productivity and success. Success here is not limited to financial or career success: it’s whatever “success” means to that individual and their family.
Consistently Avoiding
Being worthless and falling short of their potential
→ 3s are often able to see the potential within themselves and within others. This potential seems positive, but it often feels like stifling pressure. Even if they reach the highest heights, they can still be a failure because there was MORE unmet potential.
You might not know that…
→ 3s often feel like they are not enough: not successful enough, not doing enough, not good enough, etc. That’s why they work so hard to show that they’re worthy of admiration. Deep down, they believe that if they hit that goal or get that stamp of approval, they’ll feel like enough.
→ But the bar is always moving, and the approval they’re chasing feels unattainable. After a while… they have to learn that feeling like enough comes from within. This requires deep inner work and introspection. It’s not enough to just change their mind and look inward. Unlearning all of the messages that worth = performance can be a slow and painful process.
→ 3s are often a lot more emotional and sensitive than they let on, especially once they begin to do some inner work and let themselves feel.
→ Sometimes people assume 3s are trying to use others for their own benefit or compete with those around them, and while this is a common very unhealthy 3 pattern, it’s not true of all 3s. 3s deeply care about the people around them, and they are often relational and empathetic, especially when they learn to slow down a bit and let themselves be known.
→ The shapeshifting tendency of Type 3 is not necessarily inauthenticity. 3s are able to automatically know what will work in a room vs. what won’t, so they play up what will work and downplay what won’t (but they’re not taking on an entirely new identity). This adaptability can be a helpful skill, but it can also mean that 3s sometimes don’t know themselves very well. They’ve needed to shapeshift to make it through life, and it can be hard to let that go.
→ Many 3s struggle with perfectionism: they want to do it all and make it all look easy, efficient, and polished. It’s vulnerable to allow others to see how much they’re pouring out, so they stay poised and mask how hard they’re actually working to make things look seamless.
And BTW…
→ 3s sometimes forget that they are not robots, and 100% efficiency is not expected! They can often look back on their day and see tiny pockets of wasted time. If you love a 3, remind them every now and then that you see all their effort and love that they are human.
