Stress Responses by Enneagram Type
When I asked my Instagram audience about stress responses, I was pretty sure I knew what I would hear. And to an extent, a lot of the responses were expected based on each Enneagram type, but a different theme also emerged from these responses: over/under-functioning.
If you have listened to or read much from Brené Brown, you’ll likely recognize this term. Brown references psychologist Harriet Lerner’s work on the topic, which you can find here in her book, The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner. If you haven’t heard of this concept before, Lerner suggests that each of us has tendencies in response to stress or anxiety (we ALL experience anxiety to some extent!) that are either “over-functioning” or “under-functioning.”
→ OVERFUNCTIONING is just like it sounds - you go into overdrive, you do more, you expect more, and you use busyness to avoid feeling real feelings.
→ UNDERFUNCTIONING is the opposite - you crash and burn, procrastinate, numb out, or feel very, very overwhelmed.
Here’s a fantastic post on this topic from therapist Amanda White.
I would have expected certain types to lean into overfunctioning and others to lean into underfunctioning, but the responses showed that all nine types do both! I wrote each section based on submissions, but that’s not to say these are our ONLY stress responses – I could imagine any type engaging in any of these responses for different reasons.
Since I first posted this a few months ago, I’ve come to really appreciate this way of looking at stress. If you like the Unlocking Us Podcast by Brené Brown, I highly recommend the episode entitled Brené on Anxiety, Calm + Over/Under-Functioning. Definitely worth a listen!
Note: this way of looking at stress differs from the classic arrow theory of “stress” and “growth,” however, I’ve found it aligns well with the way I teach arrows now! More on that coming soon.
Alright, now let’s talk about stress responses for the nine enneagram types!
TYPE ONE
When underfunctioning, I might...
get really down on myself and get frustrated about how I fall short
start “should-ing” myself
"spiral" (into frustration, worry, or disinterest) if I can't fix it
think, “it’s all going to hell anyway so why try”
When overfunctioning, I might...
feel like no one helps me the way I need, so I attempt to do everything instead of asking for help
take on more than I can handle
throw myself into cleaning or something busy
What might help:
refocusing on what really matters
help from someone else (it’s hard for me to ask sometimes)
some time alone
exercise
time to process through everything: it sometimes takes a while to let myself feel what’s really happening beneath the surface, but this is an important part of my healing
rest or a break of any kind
talking it out with a good listener
TYPE TWO
When underfunctioning, I might...
feel really emotional
feel growing resentment that no one ever helps me
feel ashamed that I need something
experience deep sadness
When overfunctioning, I might...
overthink even more
feel like I have to be everything to everyone
help everyone even more
demand more from others
What might help:
paying attention to my own needs
noticing how I feel
quiet / alone time to sort out all of the above
hugs (for those who like physical touch) – perhaps using a weighted blanket for those who don’t like physical touch
verbal processing with people who can empathize before advising
being with others who genuinely just want to listen
TYPE THREE
When underfunctioning, I might...
feel numb and listless
turn to self-numbing with tv, food, drinks, etc.
procrastinate
lose my normal sense of self-belief and give up
When overfunctioning, I might...
put my head down and plow through
believe that I’m the only one who can do it
take responsibility for everything
fall into frantic “doing”
What might help:
actual rest
someone to bring me food, especially if I have a big project to finish
doing something that actually recharges me
a creative project
a good workout
talking about it with my partner or a friend
normally, I’m not ready for advice or solutions immediately
TYPE FOUR
When underfunctioning, I might...
feel overwhelmed by everything
daydream
wait for someone else to sort it out or save me from it
avoid everything (while still feeling very angsty about it)
When overfunctioning, I might...
stress clean
try to control everything and/or lash out at others around me
feel like I can’t stop my words from pouring out
What might help:
tangible reminders that I’m okay (remembering the roof over my head, food in my fridge, anything like that)
music or something that feels calming
to feel grounded in the present moment
micro goals
encouragement
my specific routine or structure – it won’t work if someone else imposes their structure onto my life
loving reassurance
TYPE FIVE
When underfunctioning, I might...
get overwhelmed by everything all of a sudden
feel really scatterbrained
feel like my mind is spinning
self-isolate beyond what is normally necessary for me
When overfunctioning, I might...
feel like if I get everything done as fast as possible I won’t be stressed
try to get super logical & ignore my feelings
What might help:
alone time to slow down and sort through things
separating myself from the situation so that I can breathe, process, and understand what I need to
reevaluating when I’m less flooded
a walk outside to recenter
sometimes talking about it helps
focusing on my emotional realm a little more than usual
reconnecting to my physical world
TYPE SIX
When underfunctioning, I might...
have trouble seeing through the fog
feel sick and overwhelmed
self-isolate so that no one can add to the stress
feel unable to take action in any direction
When overfunctioning, I might...
feel extra responsible for every little detail
get frazzled easily
become irritable
What might help:
talking it out with someone who is supportive
fresh air
some encouragement
a moratorium on outside opinions
time to decompress
some alone time
a step-by-step plan to handle it
TYPE SEVEN
When underfunctioning, I might...
avoid everything
procrastinate
ignore impending stress until it overwhelms and crushes me
feel stuck in my feelings
When overfunctioning, I might...
reframe it and try to find the silver lining
get busy / try to power through
find a new distraction
What might help:
avoiding additional input
finding stillness or quiet to process
slowing down to breathe
doing something small that will help me move forward
moving my body!
feeling my feelings – I hate it in the moment, but it feels better later
thinking about exciting things that are coming
TYPE EIGHT
When underfunctioning, I might...
avoid additional input
find stillness or quiet to process and breathe
feeling my feelings - I hate it in the moment, but it feels better later
When overfunctioning, I might...
fight it or try to stay busy to move past the discomfort of stress
not always notice in the moment
hold my breath or feel pressure in my stomach
start overthinking
What might help:
getting enough sleep
time alone to recharge and refocus
connecting with others to feel more grounded
paying attention to my physical, mental, and emotional health
doing things that make me happy
thinking about the future and things that I’m really excited about
asking for help from someone I know will follow through
TYPE NINE
When underfunctioning, I might...
feel overwhelmed so I numb everything
feel that my energy shuts down
turn inward and isolate
worry that my stress will impact others
When overfunctioning, I might...
act very calm on the outside but feel like a tornado of anxious activity inside
get short with others (and feel awful about it)
What might help:
verbally processing with someone who will listen without giving opinions
alone time
tackling one small thing at a time
real rest to refuel (whatever has worked for me in the past)
being outside
hugs (for those who like physical touch)
making a cozy space to retreat to after I do a few of the things that I really need to do
Want to keep reading about stress management? Check out this article I wrote for Truity.com.
