In relationships, Threes value competence and genuine care. Threes easily adapt in a given situation, yet in relationships they are seeking someone who can complement or match their intensity. When less healthy, they may become preoccupied with achievement, success, or another measure of their worth to the point that their partner feels that they have to compete for the Three’s attention (and always lose to the Three’s other interests). They are searching for a space to let their guard down, but it often takes time to find it. Threes are image-conscious and busy, yet underneath their search for worth is a deep desire to be valued for who they truly are.

In relationships, Fours value depth and empathy. Fours long to be mirrored and deeply understood by their partner, and they spend a great deal of time thinking about their own identity and who they are in the partnership. When less aware, Fours get so caught up in their own thoughts or daydreams that they are no longer attached to reality. In this state, they may ignore their partner. Overall, Fours are passionate and expressive of their moods and creativity, and they long to be seen for who they truly are.

In relationships, Fives value independence and intentionality. Fives approach relationships slowly but with great curiosity. It’s important for Fives that they have space without demands, so they take their time learning to trust others, especially in intimate settings. When less healthy, Fives can become withdrawn and arrogant, believing they are the most competent and capable person in the room. Overall, Fives are kind and generous with their partners, and they appreciate a person who also has an independent streak.

In relationships, Sixes value consistency and commitment. Sixes prioritize relationships with people who are trustworthy, kind, and steady. While Sixes crave connected relationships, they also hold that desire in tension with uncertainty around whether their partner is in it as much as they are. Sixes tend to be fairly transparent because they want to know early on if they can trust others, if others truly like them for who they are, and if they are well-matched. It can be deeply hurtful for Sixes to learn later that the relationship was not what they thought it was. When less aware, a Six’s suspicious nature may cause them to be insecure, and their fear that the relationship will end may actually lead to the demise of the relationship. In general, Sixes are trustworthy and in it for the long haul.

Sevens value freedom of expression and excitement in a relationship. Sevens don’t ever want to feel trapped, but they do need to feel grounded; thus, a good relationship can offer a Seven the ability to feel present without being stifled. When less aware, Sevens may run from anything that gets too emotional or too connected. They may give up a good thing for the sake of their freedom. Healthier Sevens tend to cultivate long-lasting relationships and are very loyal.

In relationships, Eights value authenticity and passion. Eights do everything in life with gusto; this intensity sometimes acts as a shield for their softer side, but it can also originate in the idea that anything worth doing is worth doing to the fullest. A relationship with an Eight offers mutual trust, respect, and protection. When less aware, Eights can struggle to show anything other than their tough exterior, and they may speak declaratively rather than communicating as equals. Eights are tenderhearted and deeply loving in relationships, but very few people get to see that side of them.

In relationships, Nines value comfort and harmony. Nines extend acceptance to others, which creates a safe, loving space for the relationship to thrive. It’s important to Nines that others are also just, fair, and open to different perspectives. When less aware, Nines can merge so strongly with their partner that they no longer know who they truly are. Beneath the merging is a desire to be loved and cared for in a way that supports their peace and creates true, deep, connected love.

In relationships, Ones value truth and kindness. They make sure to take care of their loved ones’ practical needs, and they take responsibility for many of the small and large tasks of life. When less healthy, they tend to feel like they are the only adult in the room and can grow resentful of others who don’t take things as seriously. They are focused on self-improvement, and in relationships, they seek to help others flourish as well. They bring sincerity and integrity to their relationships.

COMMUNITY CONVERSATIONS | This is a new series I’m working on, and it will be published over the next several months. This first conversation was inspired by my friend @tiffenywithane’s recent IG & FB posts sharing her experiences as a Black woman in America.

I talked with her about what it’s like for her, an Enneagram Nine, to speak up about topics that are important but often make others uncomfortable. I’m so grateful to Tiff for sharing her thoughts with me and taking the time to let me interview her!The first portion (slides 4 and 5) feature a quote from Tiff’s Instagram. The following slides are from our interview conversation. My only regret is that I didn’t record this to share with you all! I’ve noted that for next time.

The Movement Points refer to the arrows between the Enneagram numbers. These are commonly represented by the lines that connect each type. Each Enneagram type has a “Growth” or “Security” arrow and a “Stress” arrow. ✨ This week, I’ve got a few posts lined up on this topic, so I wanted to introduce it first before we get into some practical application.

Each type can tap into both positive and negative aspects of each movement point. Today we’ll focus on the positive and negative aspects of stress as well as the positive aspect of the security arrow (negative aspects are coming later this week). ✨

These differ from the levels of development (healthy, average, unhealthy) in that those tend to be more seasonal and these are generally more situational. Sometimes people who have experienced trauma live in their stress number for an extended period of time. It is possible that in the current crisis you’re finding yourself in your stress number more than usual, and that’s okay.

If you’re unhealthy in your core type (or you haven’t done a lot of self-work yet), you’re more likely to tap into the negative aspects of your stress number. If this is true of you, observe without judgment and stay curious about how you can grow so that you can find healthier aspects of your personality. ✨

I partnered with my friend and herbalist, Drip Den, to create something we're really proud of: Tea for Your Enneagram Type! We combined ancient herbal knowledge and Enneagram wisdom to create herbal tea blends, specifically formulated to balance out the body and mind of each specific type.

MY MOST POPULAR INSTAGRAM POST EVER! Communication is E V E R Y T H I N G. It’s how we express ourselves (even silence is a form of self-expression), it’s how we connect (or don’t), it’s how we build relationships and cultivate our lives. It’s everything! That’s why I’ve called this little series Life, Relationships, Communication & the Enneagram rather than just “Communication Approaches” - it’s all-encompassing!

I’ve listed communication tips for each Enneagram type to help you take your knowledge to the next level and transform your relationships. I think you’ll find these communication styles by Enneagram type incredibly useful in your daily life.

Nine Types of Rest - Reprised!

When I originally wrote “Nine Types of Rest,” I didn’t anticipate how deeply it would resonate with so many people. In November 2019, I took to Instagram again to ask what “rest” means for each type. Here’s a fresh, updated list - Nine MORE Types of Rest!

1  Permission to do something just for fun

2  Paying attention to my own needs

3  An unscheduled day

4  Allowing myself to say no to obligations

5  Going somewhere I want to go alone

6  Taking a nap

7  Being with people who let me be my full self

8  Taking a walk in nature

9  Quality time with a friend

This week - the one between Christmas and New Year’s Day - always feels a bit strange. Today I'm feeling half "holiday blues" and half hopeful for what’s to come.

For most of us, January is about newness. We often feel compelled to get "back on track" after the holiday busyness, or we find ourselves inspired to be a different version of ourselves. As an Enneagram Three, I'm always looking for new ways to improve myself and my life, so I love to set intentions for the New Year.

Earlier this year, I was feeling burned out. I was working full time at a start-up, going to grad school, running my Instagram account, starting my coaching business, and planning a move across the state. I had a lot going on. In the midst of the busyness, a friend challenged me to take some time away from Instagram and my burgeoning business to be present in the most urgent spaces as I wrapped up one milestone in my career before moving on to the next thing.

“Nine Types of Rest” felt like the perfect title for a post: I was both encouraging others to rest while also speaking to myself. In June 2019, I asked in my Instagram stories, “What does rest mean for you?” and I was overwhelmed by the responses. As I sat down to read them, I began to notice themes emerging in the answers. Many Ones requested a vacation, while Twos just wished they could exist without being helpful.

As I combined the answers I read with my Enneagram knowledge, the list began to take shape: