Type Ones in Relationships

Feb 26

While there’s no such thing as a perfectly compatible type pairing based on your Enneagram type, the Enneagram can help you in your relationships. Knowing your Enneagram type can help you release assumptions, find more empathy, and work together to increase your strengths.

In this post, I’ve detailed the strengths and weaknesses of each type One pairing, as well as short growth tips to help the pairings find connection and mutual care. If what is listed here next to your type pairing doesn’t fully resonate, that’s okay! Use this as a guide to get curious about your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship - more than anything, the Enneagram is a tool to help you develop self-awareness. It offers common language that you and your partner can use to describe yourselves more clearly.

If this topic interests you, you might also want to pick up my book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships.

Type Ones in Relationships

Fair | Conscientious | Honest | Sincere | Thoughtful

In relationships, Ones value truth and kindness. They make sure to take care of their loved ones’ practical needs, and they take responsibility for many of the small and large tasks of life. When less healthy, they tend to feel like they are the only adult in the room and can grow resentful of others who don’t take things as seriously. They are focused on self-improvement, and in relationships, they seek to help others flourish as well. They bring sincerity and integrity to their relationships.

Type One & Type One

We both value integrity, honesty, and goodness. We have high standards and strong convictions. We want things done well, and we are responsible, conscientious people who act appropriately. We are intentional with our words and in our relationship. We enjoy mutual respect and trust because we know we can trust each other’s work ethic, responsibility, and thoughtfulness.

We can be overly critical of ourselves and one another. When our strong convictions land on different sides, we can get indignant. When we agree, we may judge or criticize others who don’t see things the “right” way. Our repressed anger can leak out as resentment, and we are both prone to finding the little ways the other isn’t measuring up.

Grow by: finding time for fun, a vacation, or a night out. Soften perspectives to allow for differing opinions.

Type One & Type Two

We are both doers who want to make the world a better place. We are able to see the needs of others and act on them quickly. The Two offers the One softness and grace, which the One struggles to offer themselves. The One is good at taking care of the practical things, so the Two doesn’t feel like they are the only one contributing. We value both people and tasks, and we are present-oriented, which eases our communication.

We have different approaches to emotion and conflict. While the One believes staying rational is the best way to move forward, the Two attempts to remain positive. The One’s task-oriented nature can feel unloving and sterile to the Two, who attempts to cultivate warmth and depth in every relationship. The One can be overwhelmed by the Two’s desire for deep connection and may attempt to find distance to avoid feeling consumed.

Grow by: finding time to be intentional about the relationship without discussing other projects.

Type One & Type Three

We’re task-oriented, and we impress others with how much we accomplish. We support one another’s endeavors, and when we have conflict, we both believe that staying rational is the best way to figure things out. The One admires the Three’s can-do attitude and ability to get things done while the Three appreciates the One’s responsibility and commitment.

We are so task-oriented that date nights can feel like a business meeting. The One might see the Three’s shape-shifting as shallow or manipulative, while the Three sees the One’s principled approach to life as too rigid or stifling. The Three may feel criticized, while the One may feel dismissed, and fights can end with a stubborn digging-in of heels.

Grow by: learning what true rest means for both parties and practicing it often.

Type One & Type Four

We’re both idealists, and we have a vision for how the world could be. The One brings boundaries to the Four’s endless self-expression and depth, while the Four gets the One to loosen up a bit and think outside the box. We are opposites in many ways, but our energies complement each other well when we’re in sync. We can cultivate a deep, meaningful relationship.

Fours and Ones both internalize criticism and see any negative feedback as confirmation of their “fatal flaw,” which can endanger the relationship. The One can be overwhelmed by the Four and can become resentful because they feel they are the only one who is correct and acting properly. The Four can feel constantly critiqued for being different and may lash out when the One feels they are just trying to help.

Grow by: finding the value in both ways of doing things.

Type One & Type Five

We pay attention to the details others might miss. We are thoughtful and work hard to know and understand each other well. The One appreciates the Five’s depth, competence, and thoughtfulness. The Five appreciates the One’s high standards and steadiness. We are both independent and value boundaries, so we tend not to overwhelm one another. Together, we are stable and dependable.

Ones believe in objectivity: once they find the truth, they hold fast to their convictions. Fives, on the other hand, are open to the evolution of their ideas as they learn more information. This difference can cause the Five to grow frustrated with the One’s rigidity and cause the One to feel like the Five is unpredictable. At times, the One’s help and advice can feel like criticism to the Five who is sensitive to being critiqued. The Five’s silence and withdrawal may cause the One to feel insecure about the relationship.

Grow By: validating and appreciating differing perspectives. Remind one another you are there for each other.

Type One & Type Six

We are responsible, committed, and courteous. We both value loyalty and duty, and we have a high view of community. We want to make the world a better place, and we can find little ways every day to do just that. The Six is witty and helps the One lighten up. The One grounds the Six and creates a safety net. We can count on each other, and that’s really important for us both to feel loved.

When Ones become critical or resentful, Sixes find themselves increasingly anxious and insecure about the relationship. When Sixes seem inconsistent or voice their questions and doubts, Ones can grow frustrated that Sixes aren’t seeing things rightly or rationally. In conflict, Ones try to maintain a level head and be rational,while Sixes tend to be more reactive as they express their real thoughts and opinions.

Grow by: leaning into your fun side! Find little ways to be spontaneous together.

Type One & Type Seven

We are a classic case of “opposites attract.” The Seven helps the One see the little ways that everyday life is worth celebrating, and the One helps the Seven be more steady and conscientious. While opposite, we complement each other well. We have a dynamic that is equal parts curiosity and reliability, and that combination is deeply fulfilling for both of us.

When things go wrong, the Seven feels trapped in boredom by the routine and predictability the One provides. The One feels like they are the only adult in the relationship, and they take on more of a parenting role (but they resent the Seven for it). Unhealthy Sevens run from unpleasantness, including conflict, and the One can be deeply hurt by the Seven’s unwillingness to work through problems.

Grow by: appreciating the balance the other brings.

Type One & Type Eight

We are justice-oriented, fair, and truthful. We stand firm in our convictions, and we both take responsibility to right the wrongs in the world around us. The One offers a detailed, methodical approach to the relationship and life, while the Eight can see the big picture. The One is trustworthy, and the Eight is deeply loyal and protective over the One and the relationship. We are intentional in the way we cultivate a deep love for one another.

Our differing energies can cause tension. While the One prioritizes self-control, carefully chosen words, and appropriate responses, the Eight believes in showing up fully with all their anger, honesty, and directness. The One can get frustrated with the Eight’s impropriety, and the Eight feels that the One is trying to control them. Because both value control, any conflict can devolve into a battle of wills.

Grow by: reminding one another you are on the same team.

Type One & Type Nine

We are self-sacrificial, harmonious, and principled. The One’s task orientation and sense of duty help the Nine create the peace that they desire. The Nine’s comfort-seeking and acceptance offer the One space to be more self-accepting and self-forgiving. The Nine reminds the One to choose people over principle, and the One helps the Nine find their voice. We are ethical and considerate, and we are propelled by a deep sense of purpose.

Because the One is concerned with suppressing anger to be appropriate and the Nine is concerned with repressing anger to keep the peace, both of us can carry significant pent-up angry energy. At times, this can be explosive, but often, anger leaks out as stubbornness, resentment, and silence. The Nine may acquiesce outwardly but inwardly feel dismissed, while the One grows increasingly set in their convictions, unwilling to bend.

Grow by: Finding healthy ways to deal with conflict and clear the air; Affirming one another and the relationship during tension.