CONVERSATION w/ Tiff, Enneagram 9
COMMUNITY CONVERSATIONS | This is a new series I’m working on, and it will be published over the next several months. This first conversation was inspired by my friend @tiffenywithane’s recent IG & FB posts sharing her experiences as a Black woman in America.
I talked with her about what it’s like for her, an Enneagram Nine, to speak up about topics that are important but often make others uncomfortable. I’m so grateful to Tiff for sharing her thoughts with me and taking the time to let me interview her! The first portion is a quote from Tiff’s Instagram. The following text is from our interview conversation. My only regret is that I didn’t record this to share with you all! I’ve noted that for next time.
QUOTE BY TIFFENY REED-YOUNG
“My life is not a conspiracy theory. This movement is not a political conspiracy theory to figure out.
Looking for proof if these incidents were truly racially charged, using the characterization the media paints of the people of color involved to justify that person was in some way not a good person or did something wrong and therefore it was their fault they were unarmed and shot, sitting in their own house and shot, jogging being followed by civilians, and shot etc.
The black community has been losing lives at the hands of racial injustice for centuries. This is the same type of thinking that has programmed all people into thinking that race issues are not prevalent and charged when violent things happen to black people at a higher rate than other people groups. It is also a form of denial. I have experienced that myself and it is a trick of the enemy to second guess people so you don't have to acknowledge that there is truth in what they are saying.
The Black community has ALWAYS been painted in a bad light. That is also a systemic issue, starting with slavery. How else would people be able to justify treating people as property? Change how they are perceived by society, and then keep them in that villain narrative in every way possible. That is exactly what we are fighting to change.
I don't condone looting and destroying property, not all police officers are bad, but can we please hold people accountable instead of protecting them?
When people tried to kneel silently people were outraged. Protesting? People were outraged. Beyoncé wearing a Black Panther inspired outfit for the Super Bowl halftime show, OUTRAGE. Being told how to express your oppression by those refusing to acknowledge it is maddening. So here we are in the middle of crazy central. With another protest hijacked and filled with varying narratives of denial and slight of hand to distract the purpose of why it began. Black lives deserve just as much value as everyone else. #blacklivesmatter #JusticeForBreonna”
- @tiffenywithane | Tiffeny Reed-Young
INTERVIEW
Stephanie (Nine Types Co.): What has it been like to use your voice in this time?
Tiffeny: It’s been so uncomfortable, but I’ve never felt so unapologetically Black.
As a Nine, I’ve had to deny it and numb it down because I don’t want to feel frustrated all the time. But I finally decided: I’m going to use my words because I’m very frustrated.
After processing through other experiences of grief, I’ve been working on getting my feelings out. At this point, there’s nothing else I can do to distract myself because I’ve already done it.
So with this, I’ve just allowed myself to feel my feelings and acknowledge them.
S: It seems like you’ve been sharing more about your own experiences of racism than you have in the past. What motivated you to share?
T: I didn’t like the fact that people were trying to minimize this. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I just decided to use my voice. It allowed me to be in touch with my real feelings and the words just came out.
Seeing how people were not taking it seriously was a catalyst for me to speak out.
S: What has it been like to talk about this in the midst of a global pandemic?
T: I feel like it’s actually helped me to share my perspective. AND I want to continue talking about it so I don’t lose the courage or the steam, so now if I were to see people in person I would feel emboldened to speak up.
S: You mentioned earlier about tapping into frustration and healthy anger. What has that been like for you as a Nine?
T: As a 9, dealing with this healthy anger, I’ve been unapologetic. And I’ve had to constantly remind myself that this (my experience of my life) is the truth and I do not need to apologize for it. My most creative moments have happened when I’m in touch with my emotions - ALL OF THEM. Being in touch with my emotions really did inspire me to write about my life.
I had a lot of projects I was working on for a while… At some point, I stopped allowing my emotions to get too deep and that’s where I lost my creative process with some of those projects.
But now, I’m using anger as energy and a catalyst. With this whole thing [George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, the protests, etc.], I saw a lot of people sharing different variations of conspiracies as reasons not to get involved in racial justice work, and my internal reaction to that actually helped me find my voice.
S: How have you been caring for yourself these last few weeks?
T: Self-care has been riding my bike and getting fresh air this week. I made sure I got outside and moved no matter what. On Sunday we went to the beach for a friend’s birthday and had so much fun. Just trying to recharge a little bit with things like that has helped.
The past week especially, I felt like I’d been silent long enough that I had to push myself through. I wasn’t burned out. I used my anger as energy to continue talking and trying to get people to understand.
S: What do you want people to take away from this?
T: I am Black. I have a life that is filled with moments when people remind me that they see that in me and are made uncomfortable by it.
When I’ve been in spaces where there aren’t very many Black people, it’s been hard. I’ve had to adjust to the standards of white people’s discomfort with us. We’re conditioned to think the best of other people sometimes, so I’ve quieted my experience because I want to believe the best about others. But I’ve learned that you don’t have to make everyone comfortable with you if you’re in an uncomfortable situation. I want something different for my children, that’s why I’m speaking out now.
I don’t need to see people saying “I talked to a Black person today” I want them to be doing the real work and having uncomfortable conversations. Things are going to get more complicated before they get simpler.
10 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT TIFF
I LOVE MERMAIDS.. And Disneyland - I really love Disneyland!
I am passionate about creating spaces and events for people to be taken out of their ordinary days - especially exciting, encouraging experiences
I love building community.
I love interior design and creating atmospheres where people feel welcome and a sense of escapism or awe
I LOVE the water, especially the ocean
Dressing up in costumes is really fun!
I’m passionate about volunteering, and I always find my voice most clearly when advocating for others.
I really love fashion! It’s part of my DNA and how I express myself. I love using it as a way to help other people learn how to wear things and express themselves. Fashion is my mood ring.
I love cotton candy!
I tend to be the person to give advice to my friends because I listen well. I see through patterns as they share their life, and I’ve learned how to speak into it.
