Things That Feel Like the Worst-case Scenario | A Reinterpretation of the “Core Fear” of Each Enneagram Type : We often hear about the “core motivation” and “core fear” of each Enneagram type. When I’ve talked about this with people who love the Enneagram (including many of you!), the term “core fear” doesn’t quite resonate. Instead, I’ve begun to teach this as what each type is avoiding or what feels like the WORST for each type.

Want to deepen your relationships and truly understand the people in your life? This guide explores how to relate with each Enneagram type—Types One through Nine—highlighting what each type values in communication, how they show up in relationships, and how you can connect more meaningfully. Whether you’re a Type Two learning to set boundaries or a Type Seven embracing stillness, these insights will help you grow in empathy and understanding.

What does growth look like for you? These aren’t the only signs of growth for each type, but these might help you observe what growth looks like for you. If you notice areas where you’ve grown, take a moment to acknowledge that! Building those habits can take a lot of intentional work. If there are items on this list that aren’t yet available to you, that’s okay, too. This is not intended to be a report card! Even noting a couple of ways you’ve grown is incredible!

Sometimes I think we get so caught up examining the differences between the types that we lose sight of our similarities. When I asked about what makes each type feel valued at work, every type shared that they appreciate being recognized for a job well done, even in small ways. So let your coworkers / employees / managers / group project buddies know how much you appreciate them!

We all have strengths & weaknesses. I love the idea that we can learn to “borrow” strengths: meaning, we assume we’re capable of growth and change AND we can learn to build on what we’re already good at. We can also acknowledge that each type has some incredible abilities that we can all appreciate!

When I asked in my stories about what makes life feel meaningful, EVERY type said something along the lines of “time with friends,” “being with people I love,” “close family connections,” and other similar responses. The more I work with people, the more I’ve found that human connection is essential to our sense of well-being. It’s not necessarily about Enneagram type!

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, Stephanie Barron Hall interviews Dr. Sam E. Greenberg, a sexuality researcher and therapeutic coach, and Lyndsey Frazier, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist. The conversation explores the intersection of the Enneagram and sexuality, particularly through the lens of dominant instincts—self-preservation, social, and sexual. The guests share insights from their professional and personal experiences on how these instincts influence sexual desire, relational dynamics, and communication in intimate relationships. They also discuss common misconceptions about sexuality, the impact of cultural conditioning, and offer practical advice for navigating conversations about sex with partners.

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, we meet with Missy Stevens and Susanne Kerns of the “Mom and…” Podcast.

Missy Stevens is a writer, foster child advocate, and podcaster. Her past life includes stints as a corporate community relations manager, and non-profit communications writer. These days, Missy is an aspiring novelist, slowly working on endless revisions of her first manuscript. Her work has been featured in local and national online publications, as well as in the stage production, Listen to Your Mother.

Susanne is a humor writer living in Austin, Texas with her husband and two children. Her work has been featured in Scary Mommy, Redbook, Today Parents and several parenting anthologies. She's currently writing her first non-fiction book. and also runs "Informed Parents of Austin," a group she founded to advocate for LGBTQIA+ students, families and staff in her school district.

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, we meet with Kate Hallock, a writer who loves taking non-fiction topics and turning them into engaging fiction. Her Debut novel, Nine Ways to Die: An Enneagram Murder Mystery, takes the concepts of the Enneagram, and displays them in the fun puzzle of a murder mystery. Kate lives in Peachtree City, Georgia where she drives a golf cart everywhere usually with at least one of her three daughters in tow, sometimes her husband and occasionally their scruffy dog. She spends most of her free time inventing worlds and characters and writing about them. Luckily, she can do a lot of it in her head while she runs carpool, shops for groceries, and endlessly sorts socks.

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, we meet with Stephanie Woodward, a whole-life and leadership coach, facilitator, and author of The Big Scale Back: Success and balance by your own design (which was just released this week). She is the founder of Agency to Change, a boutique firm specializing in custom coaching programs to help individuals and teams redefine their relationship with work. We discuss Stephanie’s journey of reevaluating her approach to work and productivity as a One-to-One Nine. She offers so much insight into team dynamics, Type Nine strengths & shadows, burnout, & more!

On this week’s episode of Enneagram IRL, we meet with Sarah Mikutel. Sarah is an American writer and coach and host of the LIVE Without Borders podcast. In 2010, at the advice of a stranger, Sarah traded New York City for a small town in Italy, obtained dual citizenship within two months, and has been living the expat / location independent dream ever since. (She may look like Type 7, but — surprise! — she leads with 9). As a student of Stoic philosophy — the foundation of modern cognitive behavioral therapy — Sarah takes an evidenced-based approach to her coaching. This includes goal mapping and habit building that leads to long-lasting, transformational results.

In the episode, we discuss the energizing concept of Stoicism and grasp the empowering idea of living your life to the fullest and what exactly that means as Sarah shares her experiences and knowledge as a Self- Preservation Nine.

When I think about communication, I think about more than just talking: it’s how we express ourselves (even silence is a form of self-expression), it’s how we connect (or don’t), it’s how we build relationships and cultivate our lives. It’s everything! And this is one of THE most important ways I think we can use the Enneagram. How do you communicate with yourself? (Yes, it’s a thing!) And how do you communicate with others?

If you’ve been curious about using the Enneagram for growth, improving your relationships, and deepening self-awareness, I have good news for you!

There are so many things about Enneagram Nines that we sometimes forget to talk about….

Their strength, resilience, and independence are the first things that come to mind!

If you think of Enneagram Nines as perpetual softies who can be bossed around to do whatever you want 😬, let’s just say, that doesn’t line up with many Nines I know! This post adds nuance and depth to some of the things you might think about the Nines in your life.

In relationships, Nines value comfort and harmony. Nines extend acceptance to others, which creates a safe, loving space for the relationship to thrive. It’s important to Nines that others are also just, fair, and open to different perspectives. When less aware, Nines can merge so strongly with their partner that they no longer know who they truly are. Beneath the merging is a desire to be loved and cared for in a way that supports their peace and creates true, deep, connected love.

COMMUNITY CONVERSATIONS | This is a new series I’m working on, and it will be published over the next several months. This first conversation was inspired by my friend @tiffenywithane’s recent IG & FB posts sharing her experiences as a Black woman in America.

I talked with her about what it’s like for her, an Enneagram Nine, to speak up about topics that are important but often make others uncomfortable. I’m so grateful to Tiff for sharing her thoughts with me and taking the time to let me interview her!The first portion (slides 4 and 5) feature a quote from Tiff’s Instagram. The following slides are from our interview conversation. My only regret is that I didn’t record this to share with you all! I’ve noted that for next time.