Communication by Enneagram Type

Let’s talk about communication (and common misunderstandings) by Enneagram type!

When I think about communication, I think about more than just talking: it’s how we express ourselves (even silence is a form of self-expression), it’s how we connect (or don’t), it’s how we build relationships and cultivate our lives. It’s everything! And this is one of THE most important ways I think we can use the Enneagram. How do you communicate with yourself? (Yes, it’s a thing!) And how do you communicate with others?

Psssst… If you’ve been curious about using the Enneagram for growth, improving your relationships, and deepening self-awareness, I have good news for you!

My course, Enneagram IRL, is open for enrollment! And the best part? You can sign up for just YOUR type! So, when it comes to growth and deepening your understanding, you’ll be able to focus on your specific type. PLUS you’ll have access to all my lessons on communication (for all nine types) so that you can apply this knowledge with every type in your life.

🥳 Can we take a moment to celebrate with one of my students who used this course to transform their relationships?

This student said, “As a type four who is married to a type five, the Enneagram has completely transformed how we understand each other. However, taking this course, I'm provided not only with more knowledge to expand my understanding, but I'm also given straightforward, tangible communication practices that make our everyday lives so much easier!

For example, I was able to bridge a miscommunication gap by simply applying one suggestion (that had never occurred to me before). That alone opened up a great conversation that led to greater insight. It's like Enneagram IRL gave us the key to decipher what can seem like a very complex code at times, haha!

I really believe this course is one of the best resources you can use to grow in any of your relationships.” 

If you’ve been hanging out in our community for a while, waiting for the right time to go “all-in” on using the Enneagram for true transformation …This is it 😊

TYPE ONE

→ It can be hard for me not to jump right into fixing things. I give advice because I want to help, though I’m learning that’s not always what you need.

→ When I’m so focused on potential, what I also mean to say (but often forget) is: you’re doing a great job! I sometimes forget that I need that encouragement, too.

→ I don’t like conflict, but I do like clarity. I’ll often choose to have hard conversations so that things feel sorted and accurate.

→ It feels cathartic to be offered space to vent & verbally process.

→ I can be emotional, but I don’t express my emotions in many situations because I want to be appropriate and do the right thing.

→ I genuinely believe we’d all be better off if we all followed the rules. It’s not because I’m “uptight” – it’s because I find peace in structure.

→ At times, delegating can feel more difficult than just doing things myself.

TYPE TWO

→ I may not open up about how I’m really doing, even if I want to talk it out. Asking questions and encouraging me can help (though I’ll probably try to turn the conversation back to you!)

→ Honestly, when I’m in a good place I genuinely love to help!

→ I want to cultivate an open, honest connection with you, and I hope we can share honestly and vulnerably so that we can build a deep friendship.

→ I can feel the pressure of others depending on me to be warm and caring all the time, but sometimes I have bad days! It helps to be kindly reminded that I’m human and I don’t have to be the “glue” or the “sunshine” everywhere I go.

→ I often find myself initiating contact with others – I’ll feel so loved if you reach out first!

→ Even if I don’t ask for it, I’m often grateful for your help (but I don’t want you to take over everything).

→ I’m multi-dimensional! My sweet, affectionate side is often apparent, but I can also be bold, snarky, funny, etc.!

TYPE THREE

→ If I share my feelings with you, be gentle. I don’t share readily, and it means a lot to me when you listen and respond with care.

→ When I’m not 100% transparent about how I’m really doing, it’s not because I’m trying to lie: it’s often because I either haven’t sorted it out yet OR I don’t feel safe with you yet.

→ I may seem confident and self-assured, but I need encouragement just like everyone else.

→ I tend to focus on progress and often feel like I fall short. Let me know you see me and my efforts.

→ I really appreciate direct communication accompanied by reliable action!

→ When communicating, I can be very task-oriented, which can come off as more impatient or brusque than intended.

→ Depending on the context of our relationship (work, friends, romantic, etc.), I show different aspects of myself. Some people might describe me as emotional, while others might say I’m stern, and others might say I’m over-confident – adapting in this way feels very natural and necessary.

TYPE FOUR

→ I just see small talk as a brief ice-breaker so we can dive right into the deep, interesting parts of the conversation.

→ I sometimes need time to process before responding. I may throw out an initial reaction and then take time to really think through it and come back with a different response.

→ If you think I’m good at something, let me know! Sometimes the comparison monster gets the best of me, and encouragement can help.

→ It means a lot just to feel heard. When I’m being vulnerable, don’t try to cheer me up or take my mind off of it. Just sit with me.

→ Hearing “I know how you feel” can be frustrating. It can feel so complex that I don’t think you truly get it. It may help instead to say, “I understand that you would feel that way” or “It makes sense that you feel that way.”

→ At times, I like that I’m mysterious and enigmatic… at other times, it makes me feel lonely, and I hate it.

→ I can express alllll feelings with emphasis! But don’t assume something is wrong if at times I’m not as expressive. Sometimes I just like to “be.” 

TYPE FIVE

→ Don’t pressure me to participate! I often enjoy sitting on the sidelines and observing.

→ Sometimes I don’t share my initial thoughts or I may respond with, “I don’t know” because I have more thinking to do and prefer to carefully articulate my thoughts. Be patient as I thoroughly process – it’s worth it!

→ I genuinely want to understand your point of view and will ask questions, even if I don’t agree! I really appreciate it when others ask me the same types of questions in return.

→ I can be fun and funny! I’m not made solely of stats and data and information. Knowledge and humor can coexist!

→ Sharing what I’m thinking feels very vulnerable to me.. If I sense that my thoughts will be judged, dismissed or unappreciated, I’ll just keep them to myself.

→ I have feelings (excitement, outrage, sadness, happiness, etc.) even when I don’t show them in the same way you do.

→ Silence does not imply agreement. I might be silent because I’m tired, frustrated, haven’t thought it through, don’t feel like I’ll be heard, or any number of other reasons.

TYPE SIX

→ When I share stressors, I’d love to process them, but I don’t need you to fix them.

→ Sometimes I spend so much time thinking through the implications of every option that I feel stuck. I ask questions and seek reassurance to try to feel more certain.

→ The less I know, the more I overthink. When you ask me to make a decision, give me all the information up front.

→ Don’t underestimate what I can handle: I appreciate the whole truth. (Okay, to be fair, I underestimate what I can handle all the time! I just know that nothing is worse than being lied to.)

→ I appreciate it when you let me work through the “what if” statements swirling in my mind. Sometimes I just want what I already think to be affirmed.

→ I like predictability, routine, and consistency. I love to have fun and I can be spontaneous, but it helps when it feels more like a moment of spontaneity than a life of chaos.

→ I love my people, and I love that we have each others’ backs. Good communication, transparency, and mutual support are essential in these relationships!

TYPE SEVEN

→ I get really excited about new ideas and interesting concepts. It’s fun to think about possibilities (though I can get practical when I need to! I’d just prefer to dream a bit first!)

→ I like to keep conversations upbeat, and I try not to linger on certain topics for too long… Though if we start talking about something I’m interested in, we can talk for hours!

→ I can be sensitive, but I’m not going to let you see that you hurt my feelings if I don’t feel safe with you. I typically save emotional processing for a few, close people.

→ Don’t dismiss my excitement and friendly demeanor for naivete. I can be silly AND intellectual! (In fact, I’d argue that enjoying life is the smartest way to be.)

→ I like to have fun, but feeling pressure to always be “the life of the party” can be exhausting.

→ My mind moves so fast that sometimes it’s hard to explain what I’m thinking. My thoughts might seem random from the outside, but they’re definitely not!

→ Okay, maybe they are random! You’ll never know. I like to keep you on your toes!

TYPE EIGHT

→ I’m straightforward, so you always know where you stand with me. You don’t need to guess how I feel. I appreciate the same in return.

→ It’s frustrating to be perceived as “angry” all the time! And it’s sometimes frustrating that “anger” seems like such a bad thing. I can see how anger protects and energizes me.

→ Sometimes when I talk about things I’m passionate about, my volume increases without even realizing it. Don’t tell me to “calm down” – I am calm! I’m just loud sometimes.

→ I don’t always understand why some people see me as intimidating. I’m a human with emotions, just like anyone else.

→ I don’t often depend on others, and sometimes taking on all the responsibility can feel overwhelming. If I depend on you, I trust and appreciate you. 

→ I’m devoted to my loved ones. Often, boundaries in other areas of my life ensure I can show up fully for my closest people.

→ I tend to step in and take a leadership role when it seems like the person in charge isn’t leading. It’s not personal, and I don’t always want to do it, but it’s like a gravitational pull I can’t avoid.

TYPE NINE

→ I often don’t interject when I have something to say. I might be waiting for a long enough pause to say something, so please give me space to speak!

→ With some decisions, I’m fine with going along with the majority opinion, but I appreciate it when you check-in with me before assuming I’ll go along with whatever.

→ Sometimes I genuinely don’t have an opinion, and that’s okay, too!

→ I feel valued when others listen to my ideas and expertise. If I share something, I’ve thoroughly considered it, and I can see how my contribution will help.

→ It’s important to me that everyone’s perspective is heard. I know what it’s like not to feel heard, and I am willing to speak up for others when I feel they’re not being treated fairly.

→ I often need time to process before I decide what I think about things. Needing time to process doesn’t mean I’m incapable or incompetent: my willingness to consider all perspectives is an asset!

→ It’s really natural for me to look for where we agree. I love the sense of commonality we can experience when we focus on how we’re alike!

Save this post for later on pinterest!