Type Sevens in Relationships

Mar 3

While there’s no such thing as a perfectly compatible type pairing based on your Enneagram type, the Enneagram can help you in your relationships. Knowing your Enneagram type can help you release assumptions, find more empathy, and work together to increase your strengths.

In this post, I’ve detailed the strengths and weaknesses of each type Seven pairing, as well as short growth tips to help the pairings find connection and mutual care. If what is listed here next to your type pairing doesn’t fully resonate, that’s okay! Use this as a guide to get curious about your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship - more than anything, the Enneagram is a tool to help you develop self-awareness. It offers common language that you and your partner can use to describe yourselves more clearly.

If this topic interests you, you might also want to pick up my book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships.

Type Sevens in Relationships

Whimsical | Spontaneous | Bright | Loyal | Exuberant

Sevens value freedom of expression and excitement in a relationship. Sevens don’t ever want to feel trapped, but they do need to feel grounded; thus, a good relationship can offer a Seven the ability to feel present without being stifled. When less aware, Sevens may run from anything that gets too emotional or too connected. They may give up a good thing for the sake of their freedom. Healthier Sevens tend to cultivate long-lasting relationships and are very loyal.

Type Seven & Type One

We are a classic case of “opposites attract.” The Seven helps the One see the little ways that everyday life is worth celebrating, and the One helps the Seven be more steady and conscientious. While opposite, we complement each other well. We have a dynamic that is equal parts curiosity and reliability, and that combination is deeply fulfilling for both of us.

When things go wrong, the Seven feels trapped in boredom by the routine and predictability the One provides. The One feels like they are the only adult in the relationship, and they take on more of a parenting role (but they resent the Seven for it). Unhealthy Sevens run from unpleasantness, including conflict, and the One can be deeply hurt by the Seven’s unwillingness to work through problems.

Grow by: Appreciating the balance the other brings.

Type Seven & Type Two

We are energetic, fun-loving, and sociable, and we like to look on the bright side. The Seven brings an adventuresome spontaneity that inspires the Two to dream bigger and think outside the box. The Two brings generosity and a concern for the welfare of others that helps the Seven remember to slow down and pay attention to their loved ones. The Seven is looking to fulfill their own needs, so being with a Two reminds them they don’t always have to fend for themselves. The Two is not in tune with their own desires, so being with a Seven helps them prioritize themselves every now and then.

Our different perspectives on emotional connection can cause tension. The Two may feel that the Seven is not as present, especially when feelings come up. The Two may feel unseen and will respond by either demanding the Seven understand their needs OR by trying to help the Seven more in order to get the love they desire. In turn, the Seven can feel smothered by the Two’s emotionality and help, and may run, fearing that they will become trapped if they stay.

Grow by: Learning to talk through conflict rather than trying to stay positive. Reassure one another of your commitment before wading into difficult topics, then reward yourselves for having hard conversations.

Type Seven & Type Three

We are vivacious, gregarious, and adventurous. We play well off of one another’s strengths, and there’s never a dull moment! The Three helps the Seven be more aware of others’ feelings and can keep the busy Seven focused on their goals. The Three brings poise and sensitivity to the relationship. The Seven helps the Three relax and have fun: their spontaneous energy and endless knowledge keep things interesting. The Seven brings resilience and courage to the relationship.

Since we both stay busy to avoid our feelings, conflict can often go unspoken. The image-conscious Three can feel embarrassed by the Seven’s boisterous energy and tendency to say whatever is on their mind. The idealistic Seven can get frustrated with the Three’s practicality and desire for constant productivity. We can both be sensitive to feelings of loss or rejection and may “quit while we’re ahead” rather than risk abandonment.

Grow by: Learning to slow down every once in a while. Sharing feelings will deepen and expand your relationship.

Type Seven & Type Four

We are idealistic, expressive, colorful, and curious. We are opposite in many ways, but we both tend to think outside the box, and we appreciate all the excitement the other brings to the relationship. The Seven helps the Four see all the wonderful, positive things in their life, and they bolster the Four’s confidence. The Four helps the Seven stay grounded and creates a safe space for the Seven to experience emotions. We are constantly intrigued and fascinated by one another - our relationship is never dry or stagnant.

We are very different in our reactions to conflict and emotion. The Four can feel left behind by the Seven’s constant chasing of opportunity. They may feel that the Seven doesn’t care if the Seven doesn’t take time to respect the Four’s feelings or ask them what they think. The Seven can feel stifled by the Four’s need for emotional connection. They may feel that the Four is a killjoy who just wants to keep them down. We can both be over-the-top in our expression of our opposite needs.

Grow by: Being okay when things don’t work out as planned. Stay present to disappointment rather than escaping (7) or internalizing (4).

Type Seven & Type Five

We are whimsical, quick-minded, and provocative. We both enjoy off-the-wall ideas, and we each have a rebellious streak. The Seven helps the Five get out of their head and enjoy life. The Seven’s quickness and spontaneity bring a fresh, new perspective that is worth learning about. The Five helps the Seven be more grounded and serious about their pursuits. The Five’s thorough observations and keen awareness of the world can offer the Seven something to get excited about. Together, we love to investigate, learn, and dive deep into our hobbies.

We are opposite in stress. The Seven runs headlong into the future, and they demand much from life. On the other hand, the Five is oriented to the past and attempts to be as self-reliant and undemanding as possible. We both want to meet our own needs, but the Seven does so by experiencing and chasing MORE while the Five does so by decreasing their own needs so they effectively need LESS. These differences can be mystifying for us and lead to great misunderstanding.

Grow by: Planning dates that incorporate both of your strengths: intrigue & knowledge.

Type Seven & Type Six

We are kindred souls who play off one another’s strengths. The Seven brings fun, lightness, and adventure to the Six’s typically careful disposition, while the Six offers stability, light caution, and balance to the Seven’s enthusiastic energy. The Seven may feign annoyance with the Six’s caution, but deep down, they appreciate that someone has their back (since they believe they have to meet their own needs). The Six loves the Seven’s spirit and enjoys their exuberance.

We both have underlying fears and anxieties, but we cope with them differently. The Six copes by creating structure, stability, systems, and plans as a safety net for their life, while the Seven copes by looking for a spark of energy or magic around them. The Six prefers predictability, so not knowing what to expect from the Seven can be deeply unsettling. The Seven can get tired of the Six’s “pessimism” and just wants to relax without being fenced in by rules or other silly considerations.

Grow by: Seeing the value in both ways of doing things and being respectful of one another in pursuing adventures.

Type Seven & Type Seven

We are enthusiastic, lighthearted, and winsome. We both love to learn, and we are full of seemingly random trivia because learning something new is always exciting. We both want to be satisfied and content, and we really want to make each other happy. We can ride the waves of fun and possibility together, and we constantly bounce ideas off one another - each more outlandish than the last. Some say this pairing can’t work, but we have created a deeply loving, resilient, and joyous connection. We understand each other’s need for independence, but we also thrive when we are together. There’s always someone to join the excitement.

We’d prefer to have a pleasant experience of life. When conflict comes up, we might avoid it, but if it’s making life unpleasant, we’ll address it as soon as possible so that we can move on. We can have a hard time finding common ground on what we really want out of life since we each tend to be so persistent in chasing our own sense of fulfillment. Alternatively, we may try so hard to fill each other up, but neither of us will ever be full: there’s always more to experience. If we can’t make each other happy, we won’t be happy either.

Grow by: Being intentional about finding downtime together. You might not realize that you’re exhausting yourselves.

Type Seven & Type Eight

We are dynamic, intense, and captivating. We are both assertive, and we staunchly resist being told what to do. The Eight helps the Seven stay rooted in reality, attentive to practical matters, and focused on what actually matters for them. The Eight may challenge the Seven to think about what they really want. The Seven helps the Eight lighten up and have fun. The Seven encourages the Eight to loosen their grip on control and live a little.

We both get frustrated when things aren’t going our way, and neither of us wants to be controlled. The Eight may see the Seven’s cheerful disposition as lacking authenticity. When others aren’t authentic, the Eight may feel self-protective to avoid betrayal. The Seven can see the Eight’s assertive nature as controlling and will do anything to avoid being stuck. We are both strong-willed, so our relationship can devolve into a battle for autonomy.

Grow by: Being present with emotions. Slow down long enough to notice your own reactions and ask yourselves if they are truly helpful for you.

Type Seven & Type Nine

We are carefree, flexible, and optimistic. We both like to look on the bright side, and our differences bring balance to our relationship. The Seven brings a fun, assertive self-confidence that helps the Nine break out of their shell and try new things. While the Nine tends to appreciate the status quo, the Seven loves to spice things up and keep things interesting. The Nine brings a calming steadiness and a personal touch to the relationship, which helps the Seven become more centered and present.

We can both get frustrated and stubborn when things aren’t going well, especially if we don’t take the time to work through issues as they come up. The Seven is more likely to be the first to surface conflict since they don’t want to be trapped in unpleasantness. If the Seven tries to move past it too quickly, the Nine can feel trampled when they’re expected to move on without fully processing it. The Nine’s tendency to avoid conflict might mean that the Seven is unaware that something is going wrong until it’s almost too late, which can hurt the deeply loyal Seven, who would have preferred to work through it sooner.

Grow by: Learning to work through conflict together. After a tough conversation, reward yourselves with something fun! Remind each other regularly that conflict will not jeopardize the relationship.