Type Sixes in Relationships

Mar 5

While there’s no such thing as a perfectly compatible type pairing based on your Enneagram type, the Enneagram can help you in your relationships. Knowing your Enneagram type can help you release assumptions, find more empathy, and work together to increase your strengths.

In this post, I’ve detailed the strengths and weaknesses of each type Six pairing, as well as short growth tips to help the pairings find connection and mutual care. If what is listed here next to your type pairing doesn’t fully resonate, that’s okay! Use this as a guide to get curious about your strengths and weaknesses in your relationship - more than anything, the Enneagram is a tool to help you develop self-awareness. It offers common language that you and your partner can use to describe yourselves more clearly.

If this topic interests you, you might also want to pick up my book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships.

Type Sixes in Relationships

Compassionate | Steadfast | Devoted | Lively | Responsible

In relationships, Sixes value consistency and commitment. Sixes prioritize relationships with people who are trustworthy, kind, and steady. While Sixes crave connected relationships, they also hold that desire in tension with uncertainty around whether their partner is in it as much as they are. Sixes tend to be fairly transparent because they want to know early on if they can trust others, if others truly like them for who they are, and if they are well-matched. It can be deeply hurtful for Sixes to learn later that the relationship was not what they thought it was. When less aware, a Six’s suspicious nature may cause them to be insecure, and their fear that the relationship will end may actually lead to the demise of the relationship. In general, Sixes are trustworthy and in it for the long haul.

Type One & Type Six

We are responsible, committed, and courteous. We both value loyalty and duty, and we have a high view of community. We want to make the world a better place, and we can find little ways to do so every day. The Six is witty and helps the One lighten up. The One grounds the Six and creates a safety net. Sixes are able to see various possible outcomes, and while this can create uncertainty, it can also help the One see there is more than one way things can unfold. Ones tend to be more self-assured and decisive, which can inspire the Six to find these qualities within as well. We can count on each other, and that’s really important for us both to feel loved.

When Ones become critical or resentful, Sixes find themselves increasingly anxious and insecure about the relationship. Sixes can be reactive in conflict, which may cause the One to feel that the Six is hypocritical: expecting predictability while not being predictable themselves. Both of us can feel uncomfortable with conflict (since it’s neither appropriate nor safe), and we may find ourselves lobbing blame back and forth to avoid accepting fault.

Grow by: Leaning into your fun side! Find little ways to be spontaneous together.

Type Six & Type Two

We are steadfast and loyal to one another. We both value a deep, unwavering connection, and we will do what is necessary to serve one another. The Two’s empathetic and affectionate nature offers the Six the comfort of knowing their partner will always have their back. The Six’s desire for steadiness inspires them to build a good foundation for the relationship, which offers the Two a sense of feeling valued and prioritized. We are both responsible, attentive, and supportive. We make great partners because our connection is built on friendship.

Sixes tend to pull others close and then push them away. This ambivalence is often rooted in a subconscious need to test their partner. For the Two, being pushed away is their worst fear as they believe they’ve done everything in their power to make the Six love and trust them. The Six’s reactivity can sometimes cause the Two to feel cast aside. The Two’s desire to help can also cause problems since Sixes often work through concerns by verbalizing them. When the Two goes into “fix it” mode, the Six can feel misunderstood and bulldozed because they’re not feeling heard.

Grow by: Finding time to continue growing your friendship & connection. Verbalizing needs (and how you’d like those needs to be met) can be groundbreaking for this pair.

Type Six & Type Three

We are hardworking, resilient, and faithful. The Three loves to highlight the strengths in others, so they tend to point out the best in the Six, giving the Six the encouragement they need to pursue their passions. Meanwhile, the Six keeps the Three grounded and helps them slow down and enjoy life a bit more. The Six’s transparency and honesty can help the Three feel more comfortable to open up and find the emotional connection they’re looking for. We are both dutiful and responsible, and once we trust each other, we make a good team.

The Six values loyalty, so the Three’s shapeshifting can cause the Six to feel like they can’t trust them. The Three’s hard-driving energy can conflict with the Six’s cautious nature, which can cause the Three to feel like the Six is holding them back. The Three may get exasperated with the Six’s questions and may charge on ahead without them, stirring the Six to lose trust and move into self-protection mode. When the Six expresses a lack of trust, the Three may feel they’ve done everything they can to be trustworthy and give up. We are both in the 9-3-6 triangle, which can sometimes leave us feeling like we’re running in circles.

Grow by: Validating one another’s focus of attention and staying present in the relationship. Working through feelings is important for this pair.

Type Six & Type Four

We are expressive, sensitive, and affectionate. We both tend to react emotionally to one another and the world around us, which actually helps us deeply understand and care for one another. We can be really similar, and that’s comforting. The Four brings compassion, self-awareness, and emotionality, while the Six brings loyalty, practicality, and perseverance. We can both find the depth we want in the relationship because the Four always wants to go deeper, and the Six is committed to sticking together.

No one likes to hear that they lack common sense or practicality, and this is especially true for Fours, who have spent their lives hearing they are “too much.” When the Six insists on being practical or calls attention to the Four’s tendency to be driven by their passions, the Four can feel deeply wounded. The Six’s desire for predictability and steadiness can be challenging to the relationship since Fours tend to reject being boxed in, limited, and told how to navigate their life. The Four’s pursuit of authenticity doesn’t always fall in line with the Six’s need for consistency.

Grow by: asking yourself when in conflict: “Do I need to express this right now? Will this be helpful?”

Type Six & Type Five

We are steady, capable, and trustworthy. We have similar worries and fears, but our different approaches bring balance and stability. The Six is stabilized by the Five’s steadiness because they can trust their careful research, their cautious approach, and their willingness to think through difficult things. The Six’s thoughtfulness, loyalty, and attentiveness all help the Five stay more connected and less isolated. We have a deep comfort in our relationship that allows us to fully be ourselves without fear that we will be overwhelmed.

Moving forward with a decision can be a challenge for us. The Six’s tendency to trust existing rules and procedures can be frustrating for the Five who trusts their own intellect more than they trust others. The Six can get frustrated with the Five’s out-of-the-box thinking, and tension may grow as we come to very different conclusions after pondering the same situation. We usually embrace our analytical approaches to life, but when we find ourselves at odds, we might start to pick apart the relationship rather than focusing on the issue at hand.

Grow by: Finding something you both enjoy and like to learn about and dedicating time to it weekly.

Type Six & Type Six

We are best friends who enjoy mutual safety, trust, and commitment. We get along well, but sometimes it can take a while to establish the deep level of trust necessary for a lasting partnership. Once we’ve found that trust, nothing can separate us. We love that we are able to relax and have fun together because we know we’ve got each other’s backs. We are able to talk through things easily, and we have a connected, devoted relationship.

We are both reactive in conflict, and we may say things we don’t mean in a heated moment. This can cause a breakdown in the trust we have shared, and once it’s gone, it’s incredibly difficult to recover. Even though we’re both Sixes, we might be really different from one another since Sixes are so varied. This might mean that one of us is bold and aggressive while the other tends to shy away, leading to a cycle of fleeing and chasing. When this happens, the relationship can become guarded and hostile.

Grow by: Expressing loyalty and compassion for one another regularly.

Type Six & Type Seven

We are kindred souls who play off one another’s strengths. The Seven brings fun, lightness, and adventure to the Six’s typically careful disposition, while the Six offers stability, light caution, and balance to the Seven’s enthusiastic energy. The Seven may feign annoyance with the Six’s caution, but deep down, they appreciate that someone has their back (since they believe they have to meet their own needs). The Six loves the Seven’s spirit and enjoys their exuberance.

We both have underlying fears and anxieties, but we cope with them differently. The Six copes by creating structure, stability, systems, and plans as a safety net for their life, while the Seven copes by looking for a spark of energy or magic around them. The Six prefers predictability, so not knowing what to expect from the Seven can be deeply unsettling. The Seven can get tired of the Six’s “pessimism” and just wants to relax without being fenced in by rules or other silly considerations.

Grow by: Seeing the value in both ways of doing things and being respectful of one another in pursuing adventures.

Type Six & Type Eight

We are both deeply loyal. We both tend to be direct in communication, and we like to get everything out on the table. This offers a deep sense of security since we don’t have to wonder what the other is thinking. Because Sixes crave safety, the Eight’s clarity, decisiveness, and transparency open the door for building trust, and the Eight’s protective nature can be comforting for the Six. The Six’s warmth and kindness can help the Eight feel embraced and cared for, and we both enjoy having a partner that is dependable. We complement each other well.

We are both reactive in conflict, and when we don’t feel we can trust each other, we avoid showing all our cards. The Six might find the Eight’s bullish approach to life off-putting or destabilizing and may revert to self-protection. The Eight might see the Six’s questioning, concerns, or alertness as a lack of trust (at which point, the Eight might throw in the towel, especially if they feel they’ve done everything they can to garner trust). Both may attempt to control the situation, which can cause further division. If the Six is counterphobic, conflicts can become explosive since neither party will back down easily.

Grow by: Reminding one another you’re in this together. Offer one another reassurance that you’re looking for safety, not control.

Type Six & Type Nine

We both desire stability, comfort, and love, and we find that in each other. The Nine can offer the Six a sense of predictability because Nines tend to be steady overall. Their calm demeanor can be stabilizing for the Six, who may be more skeptical and alert to issues overall. The Six’s tendency to be more quick-minded and action-oriented can help the Nine be a more active force in their own life. Mutual devotion, loyalty, and shared values are important to us. We can cultivate a deep friendship marked by unity, affection, support, and healthy interdependence.

In moments of stress, the Six’s questioning can feel accusatory to the Nine, while the Nine’s withdrawal can feel like abandonment to the Six. In general, Sixes can be reactive in conflict, which can leave the Nine tip-toeing to avoid setting the Six off. Meanwhile, the Nine’s reluctance to share their thoughts, express themselves, or deal with conflict can leave the Six feeling like the Nine is not being fully transparent, which can leave the Six suspicious of their motives and doubtful of their connection.

Grow by: Figuring out what you really want in life. Support each other in voicing your wants and needs.