A Few Things to Know About Fives
If we’re not careful, the Enneagram archetypes can easily be treated as oversimplified stereotypes. Maybe you’ve already seen examples of this! This post is intended to give a little more clarity about Type Fives— to dig deeper, highlight some things that you may not know, and break down common assumptions.
There’s so much more I could add to this post but I may have to save that for another time! Type Fives have so much more going on under the surface than they may express. So it’s important not to assume how they feel or what they’re thinking, especially if they may be coming off as “cold” or “uninterested”. For some Fives, this can be really frustrating, even hurtful, coming from those they truly care about. (More on this below!)
Also, I mention this in the post, but it’s not a requirement for Fives to be bookworms! Some Fives may not even necessarily like to read books, but instead, they may prefer to gather information through web articles, listening to podcasts, or binging YouTube videos— the list goes on. Regardless, don’t limit this type to any presumptions. Type Fives can continue to surprise you.
So what else could we be overlooking when it comes to Type Fives? Let’s dive into it!
Quick note: This may not resonate 100% with every Type Five, and that is okay! There are many individual differences within each Enneagram type. I want to emphasize that humans are complex, and it’s okay to not perfectly align with everything you read about your type. If you’d like to see what other Fives have to say about this post, you can find it on Instagram right here. Join the conversation!
Alright, Let’s get into it!
Here are a few things to know about Enneagram Fives!
Common Underlying Motivation
To be competent and self-sufficient
→ Fives often have a distinct sense that they need to hold onto what they already have (space, energy, emotional energy, time, sometimes money, etc.). Self-sufficiency, frequently achieved through being competent and capable, allows them to keep all the resources they have without needing to give anything up. 5s may also ensure they can meet their own needs by needing less from the world and from others.
Consistently Avoiding
Being depleted and without resources
→ Often, 5s have a deep fear that if they need resources from others, they’ll be intruded upon or depleted, and they are so averse to this that they withdraw. This reaction often feels really important for survival, even when the 5 cognitively knows that the people around them are not trying to overwhelm or inundate them.
You might not know that…
→ Many 5s feel their feelings deeply, and they take time to explore them internally, but they don’t always show them to others. Typically, those in their innermost circle will be privy to those more intimate details, but even then there are some things they keep to themselves. This privacy can feel like a small bit of freedom.
→ Withdrawing from others is not necessarily about the other person! It can be painful for 5s to know that some people they love will take their need for withdrawal personally. BUT, when withdrawal feels essential for survival, they will often meet that need even if it disappoints others. This doesn’t mean it’s easy or cold-hearted.
→ Navigating boundaries can take a lot of emotional energy from 5s, so sometimes they set the boundary farther away than it needs to be so they don’t have to adjust on the fly. For example, rather than saying, “You can come over, but only outdoors,” or “I’d love to have you over for 2 hours,” they might just say no.
→ But 5s are often committed to building close relationships, and once you’re in, they’re very loyal. Many 5s explain that they mentally sort their relationships in a systematized way.
→ 5s aren’t always shy, quiet, bookworms. They can be quite expressive and social, too! And even the most introverted 5s open up a lot more with their closest people, especially when they’re interested in a topic. Like any Enneagram type, 5s can have any interest or hobby. It doesn’t *have* to be all about books.
→ Taking time to process is really important for their well-being. Thinking through something thoroughly can alleviate anxiety and help them feel steady, prepared, objective, and rational.
And BTW…
→ Just because 5s like that time to process DOESN’T necessarily mean they can’t do well in high-pressure or fast-paced jobs. They normally just need to have all the information upfront and a reliable repertoire of knowledge that will enable them to react on the fly.
