Enneagram Types in Relationships

In relationships, Twos value warmth and heartfelt connection. Twos give themselves freely in relationships, and they desire to cultivate a fun, passionate, and happy partnership. When less aware, they are unable to articulate their own feelings and may more readily feel their significant others’ feelings. They may get frustrated with giving so much without any reciprocity. Twos are helpful and generous, yet underneath their affection is a focus on cultivating genuine love.

In relationships, Threes value competence and genuine care. Threes easily adapt in a given situation, yet in relationships they are seeking someone who can complement or match their intensity. When less healthy, they may become preoccupied with achievement, success, or another measure of their worth to the point that their partner feels that they have to compete for the Three’s attention (and always lose to the Three’s other interests). They are searching for a space to let their guard down, but it often takes time to find it. Threes are image-conscious and busy, yet underneath their search for worth is a deep desire to be valued for who they truly are.

In relationships, Fours value depth and empathy. Fours long to be mirrored and deeply understood by their partner, and they spend a great deal of time thinking about their own identity and who they are in the partnership. When less aware, Fours get so caught up in their own thoughts or daydreams that they are no longer attached to reality. In this state, they may ignore their partner. Overall, Fours are passionate and expressive of their moods and creativity, and they long to be seen for who they truly are.

In relationships, Fives value independence and intentionality. Fives approach relationships slowly but with great curiosity. It’s important for Fives that they have space without demands, so they take their time learning to trust others, especially in intimate settings. When less healthy, Fives can become withdrawn and arrogant, believing they are the most competent and capable person in the room. Overall, Fives are kind and generous with their partners, and they appreciate a person who also has an independent streak.

In relationships, Sixes value consistency and commitment. Sixes prioritize relationships with people who are trustworthy, kind, and steady. While Sixes crave connected relationships, they also hold that desire in tension with uncertainty around whether their partner is in it as much as they are. Sixes tend to be fairly transparent because they want to know early on if they can trust others, if others truly like them for who they are, and if they are well-matched. It can be deeply hurtful for Sixes to learn later that the relationship was not what they thought it was. When less aware, a Six’s suspicious nature may cause them to be insecure, and their fear that the relationship will end may actually lead to the demise of the relationship. In general, Sixes are trustworthy and in it for the long haul.

Sevens value freedom of expression and excitement in a relationship. Sevens don’t ever want to feel trapped, but they do need to feel grounded; thus, a good relationship can offer a Seven the ability to feel present without being stifled. When less aware, Sevens may run from anything that gets too emotional or too connected. They may give up a good thing for the sake of their freedom. Healthier Sevens tend to cultivate long-lasting relationships and are very loyal.

In relationships, Eights value authenticity and passion. Eights do everything in life with gusto; this intensity sometimes acts as a shield for their softer side, but it can also originate in the idea that anything worth doing is worth doing to the fullest. A relationship with an Eight offers mutual trust, respect, and protection. When less aware, Eights can struggle to show anything other than their tough exterior, and they may speak declaratively rather than communicating as equals. Eights are tenderhearted and deeply loving in relationships, but very few people get to see that side of them.

In relationships, Nines value comfort and harmony. Nines extend acceptance to others, which creates a safe, loving space for the relationship to thrive. It’s important to Nines that others are also just, fair, and open to different perspectives. When less aware, Nines can merge so strongly with their partner that they no longer know who they truly are. Beneath the merging is a desire to be loved and cared for in a way that supports their peace and creates true, deep, connected love.

In relationships, Ones value truth and kindness. They make sure to take care of their loved ones’ practical needs, and they take responsibility for many of the small and large tasks of life. When less healthy, they tend to feel like they are the only adult in the room and can grow resentful of others who don’t take things as seriously. They are focused on self-improvement, and in relationships, they seek to help others flourish as well. They bring sincerity and integrity to their relationships.